What Is An Abusive Relationship And Is Help Available?
In an abusive relationship one partner uses power, intimidation, and/or control to exert emotional, psychological, or physical harm on the other.
Abusive relationships can take many forms, including verbal or emotional abuse, physical violence, sexual coercion, or financial control.
Your abuser may use a range of tactics to exert control over you, such as isolating you from friends and family, manipulation, intimidation, or threatening to harm you if you leave.
In such a situation, you may feel powerless, scared, and unable to leave the relationship,
However, help is available here in Halifax.
If you are in an abusive relationship and need to leave, or an unhealthy relationship and want to work on it, we welcome you to book an appointment with our Halifax psychologists, or complete the form at the bottom of this page.
We offer both in-person and virtual therapy.
We offer supportive, evidence-based, scientifically validated therapy and custom match every client with a therapist who best suited for your needs and goals in counselling.
Abusive relationships can take many forms, including verbal or emotional abuse, physical violence, sexual coercion, or financial control.
Your abuser may use a range of tactics to exert control over you, such as isolating you from friends and family, manipulation, intimidation, or threatening to harm you if you leave.
In such a situation, you may feel powerless, scared, and unable to leave the relationship,
However, help is available here in Halifax.
If you are in an abusive relationship and need to leave, or an unhealthy relationship and want to work on it, we welcome you to book an appointment with our Halifax psychologists, or complete the form at the bottom of this page.
We offer both in-person and virtual therapy.
We offer supportive, evidence-based, scientifically validated therapy and custom match every client with a therapist who best suited for your needs and goals in counselling.
Abusive Vs. Unhealthy Relationships
Abusive relationships, are of course, always extremely unhealthy.
However, unhealthy relationships are not necessarily abusive.
An abusive relationship differs from an unhealthy relationship in multiple ways, some of the most significant being:
Power dynamics
In an abusive relationship, one partner holds disproportionate power and control over the other, creating an imbalance of power. In contrast, in an unhealthy relationship, power and control may be more evenly distributed or may shift back and forth between partners.
Intentions
In abusive relationships, the goal of one partner is to exert control or inflict harm on the other, while in unhealthy relationships, power dynamics may result from a lack of communication, different values, or other factors.
Safety
In an abusive relationship, there is a risk of physical, sexual, or emotional harm. This may include physical violence or intimidation, emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or threats to control and manipulate their partner's thoughts, behaviours, or feelings.
Isolation
Abusive relationship often contain some form of intentional isolation in which the abuser attempts to keep their partner from friends, family, and social supports.
However, unhealthy relationships are not necessarily abusive.
An abusive relationship differs from an unhealthy relationship in multiple ways, some of the most significant being:
Power dynamics
In an abusive relationship, one partner holds disproportionate power and control over the other, creating an imbalance of power. In contrast, in an unhealthy relationship, power and control may be more evenly distributed or may shift back and forth between partners.
Intentions
In abusive relationships, the goal of one partner is to exert control or inflict harm on the other, while in unhealthy relationships, power dynamics may result from a lack of communication, different values, or other factors.
Safety
In an abusive relationship, there is a risk of physical, sexual, or emotional harm. This may include physical violence or intimidation, emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or threats to control and manipulate their partner's thoughts, behaviours, or feelings.
Isolation
Abusive relationship often contain some form of intentional isolation in which the abuser attempts to keep their partner from friends, family, and social supports.
What Are The Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship?
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How do you know if you are in an unhealthy relationship?
Here are 10 important signs to look for: 1) Lack of / poor communication Communication is crucial for maintaining a healthy and satisfying interactions with your partner. However, when there is poor of communication, it can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and conflict. Poor communication can include not expressing feelings or opinions clearly; neglecting to listen to each other; avoiding difficult conversations or topics; and failing to check in and ask about how the other person is feeling. |
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2) Lack of trust
In your relationship, trust is an essential foundation that allows you and your partner to feel safe, respected, and confident in your interactions. When trust is lacking, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and suspicion, and can strain your relationship. This lack of trust can be caused by a number of factors, such as a history of broken agreements, lies or deceit, or consistently negative interactions. It can also be caused by personal issues such as previous experiences of trauma or abandonment that make it difficult for you or your partner to trust each other.
3) Suspicion and jealousy
Suspicion and jealousy is very toxic and damaging to your relationship if these feelings are not addressed. Jealousy often stems from a lack of trust or insecurity, and can show itself in a number of ways, including accusations, constantly questioning the other person's behaviour or whereabouts, or being overly possessive or controlling.
4) Power imbalances
Power imbalances can occur in your relationship when one partner has more control or influence over another, often due to factors such as economic status, gender, age, personality types, or social status. If there is a power imbalance in your relationship, you may feel disrespected, undervalued, or even abused.
5) Unhealthy conflict resolution
Unhealthy conflict resolution include tactics such as withdrawing from the conversation, belittling or criticizing your partner, or constantly bringing up past issues in order to avoid dealing with the current problem. In these situations, partners often find themselves trying to "win" an argument rather than resolve the underlying issue.
6) Disrespect
Disrespect can take many forms, such as insulting or belittling your partner in public or private, failing to listen or take your partner's feelings or concerns seriously, mocking or making fun of your partner's opinions or beliefs, ignoring your partner's contributions to the relationship, and failing to communicate or provide emotional support,
7) Lack of boundaries
In a healthy relationship, you set and respect boundaries to maintain a sense of autonomy and individuality. However, when there is a lack of boundaries in a relationship, it can lead to a lot of conflict. A lack of boundaries includes things like not respecting the other's personal space or privacy, failing to communicate about expectations and boundaries, and often overstepping your partner's feelings and experiences.
8) Unresolved issues
Unresolved issues in a relationship can be a major source of tension and conflict if left unaddressed. They often include past traumas or hurts that have not been dealt with or forgiven, unmet needs or expectations that have not been communicated or acknowledged, differences in values, beliefs, or goals that have not been discussed or compromised on, and patterns of problematic behaviour that have not been changed or improved upon.
9) Emotional manipulation
This involves tactics to control, influence, or coerce the other partner such as shaming a partner into obeying or agreeing, making the person feel guilty about disagreeing, withholding affection or attention, making the partner question their own thoughts, feelings, or perceptions (i.e., gaslighting), and often threatening to end or sabotage the relationship.
10) Incompatibility
This refer to differences in values, goals, beliefs, and interests that create conflict, tension, and a sense of disconnection between you and your partner. It may involve differences in communication styles, disagreement on major life decisions, such as career choices, financial goals, or having children, different interests or hobbies that make it difficult to find shared activities, and incompatible values that may cause moral or ethical conflicts.
How many apply to your relationship?
If there are two or more, you may benefit from either 1:1 counselling or couples counselling.
In your relationship, trust is an essential foundation that allows you and your partner to feel safe, respected, and confident in your interactions. When trust is lacking, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and suspicion, and can strain your relationship. This lack of trust can be caused by a number of factors, such as a history of broken agreements, lies or deceit, or consistently negative interactions. It can also be caused by personal issues such as previous experiences of trauma or abandonment that make it difficult for you or your partner to trust each other.
3) Suspicion and jealousy
Suspicion and jealousy is very toxic and damaging to your relationship if these feelings are not addressed. Jealousy often stems from a lack of trust or insecurity, and can show itself in a number of ways, including accusations, constantly questioning the other person's behaviour or whereabouts, or being overly possessive or controlling.
4) Power imbalances
Power imbalances can occur in your relationship when one partner has more control or influence over another, often due to factors such as economic status, gender, age, personality types, or social status. If there is a power imbalance in your relationship, you may feel disrespected, undervalued, or even abused.
5) Unhealthy conflict resolution
Unhealthy conflict resolution include tactics such as withdrawing from the conversation, belittling or criticizing your partner, or constantly bringing up past issues in order to avoid dealing with the current problem. In these situations, partners often find themselves trying to "win" an argument rather than resolve the underlying issue.
6) Disrespect
Disrespect can take many forms, such as insulting or belittling your partner in public or private, failing to listen or take your partner's feelings or concerns seriously, mocking or making fun of your partner's opinions or beliefs, ignoring your partner's contributions to the relationship, and failing to communicate or provide emotional support,
7) Lack of boundaries
In a healthy relationship, you set and respect boundaries to maintain a sense of autonomy and individuality. However, when there is a lack of boundaries in a relationship, it can lead to a lot of conflict. A lack of boundaries includes things like not respecting the other's personal space or privacy, failing to communicate about expectations and boundaries, and often overstepping your partner's feelings and experiences.
8) Unresolved issues
Unresolved issues in a relationship can be a major source of tension and conflict if left unaddressed. They often include past traumas or hurts that have not been dealt with or forgiven, unmet needs or expectations that have not been communicated or acknowledged, differences in values, beliefs, or goals that have not been discussed or compromised on, and patterns of problematic behaviour that have not been changed or improved upon.
9) Emotional manipulation
This involves tactics to control, influence, or coerce the other partner such as shaming a partner into obeying or agreeing, making the person feel guilty about disagreeing, withholding affection or attention, making the partner question their own thoughts, feelings, or perceptions (i.e., gaslighting), and often threatening to end or sabotage the relationship.
10) Incompatibility
This refer to differences in values, goals, beliefs, and interests that create conflict, tension, and a sense of disconnection between you and your partner. It may involve differences in communication styles, disagreement on major life decisions, such as career choices, financial goals, or having children, different interests or hobbies that make it difficult to find shared activities, and incompatible values that may cause moral or ethical conflicts.
How many apply to your relationship?
If there are two or more, you may benefit from either 1:1 counselling or couples counselling.
What Are The Forms Of Relationship Abuse?
Emotional Abuse
This can include belittling, demeaning, or intimidation, or using guilt or manipulation to control someone.
Physical Abuse
Behaviours such as hitting, punching, slapping, pushing, or physically restraining someone.
Sexual Abuse
Any unwanted sexual behaviours, such as forcing or coercing the partner into sexual activity.
Financial Abuse
Controlling someone's access to money or property, or using money to exert control or power over a partner.
Psychological Abuse
Behaviours such as gaslighting, isolating a partner from friends and family, or frequent criticism.
Digital Abuse
Examples include controlling access to a partner's phone, computer, or online accounts, cyberstalking, or cyberbullying.
Spiritual Abuse
Behaviours such as forcing your partner to conform to a particular religious or spiritual belief.
This can include belittling, demeaning, or intimidation, or using guilt or manipulation to control someone.
Physical Abuse
Behaviours such as hitting, punching, slapping, pushing, or physically restraining someone.
Sexual Abuse
Any unwanted sexual behaviours, such as forcing or coercing the partner into sexual activity.
Financial Abuse
Controlling someone's access to money or property, or using money to exert control or power over a partner.
Psychological Abuse
Behaviours such as gaslighting, isolating a partner from friends and family, or frequent criticism.
Digital Abuse
Examples include controlling access to a partner's phone, computer, or online accounts, cyberstalking, or cyberbullying.
Spiritual Abuse
Behaviours such as forcing your partner to conform to a particular religious or spiritual belief.
Why Do People Stay In Unhealthy / Abusive Relationships?
Unfortunately, there are many reasons why someone might stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, and getting out can sometimes be very difficult...especially without support.
In our work with clients, some common reasons we often see in counselling are:
Fear
The victim may be afraid of what might happen if they leave the relationship (such as retaliation, or the abuse escalating).
Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can cause someone in an abusive relationship to feel like they don't deserve better treatment.
Love and loyalty
The victim may still feel an emotional connection to their partner, or feel like they have a responsibility to stay and try to make the relationship work.
Financial dependence
The victim may be financially dependent on their partner and may feel like they cannot afford to leave.
Fear of the unknown
The victim of abuse may be afraid of being alone or of starting over, and may fear that leaving the relationship would mean a loss of companionship or security.
In our work with clients, some common reasons we often see in counselling are:
Fear
The victim may be afraid of what might happen if they leave the relationship (such as retaliation, or the abuse escalating).
Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can cause someone in an abusive relationship to feel like they don't deserve better treatment.
Love and loyalty
The victim may still feel an emotional connection to their partner, or feel like they have a responsibility to stay and try to make the relationship work.
Financial dependence
The victim may be financially dependent on their partner and may feel like they cannot afford to leave.
Fear of the unknown
The victim of abuse may be afraid of being alone or of starting over, and may fear that leaving the relationship would mean a loss of companionship or security.
What Is The "Cycle Of Abuse"?
The "cycle of abuse" refers to a pattern of behaviours that frequently occurs in abusive relationships,..and it is cycle we often work to address and ultimately break via supportive therapy.
The cycle typically consists of four phases:
1) Tension building
This is the period of time in which tension and conflict start to build within the relationship.
2) Incident(s)
This is when the actual abusive incident occurs. It is often a period of abusive incidents over time rather than a single occasion of abuse.
3) Reconciliation
The period in which an abuser may apologize and promise that it will "never happen again", or may even blame the victim for the abuse.
4) Calm / Honeymoon
This occurs right after the reconciliation phase and is characterized by the abuser's attempts to make amends and regain the victim's trust. The abuser may be extra attentive and loving during this time, offer gifts, and express guilt or remorse.
Following the honeymoon phases, the cycle resets and repeats itself starting with phase 1.
If you find yourself caught in the cycle of abuse and need some support in getting out, please reach out to us for help.
The cycle typically consists of four phases:
1) Tension building
This is the period of time in which tension and conflict start to build within the relationship.
2) Incident(s)
This is when the actual abusive incident occurs. It is often a period of abusive incidents over time rather than a single occasion of abuse.
3) Reconciliation
The period in which an abuser may apologize and promise that it will "never happen again", or may even blame the victim for the abuse.
4) Calm / Honeymoon
This occurs right after the reconciliation phase and is characterized by the abuser's attempts to make amends and regain the victim's trust. The abuser may be extra attentive and loving during this time, offer gifts, and express guilt or remorse.
Following the honeymoon phases, the cycle resets and repeats itself starting with phase 1.
If you find yourself caught in the cycle of abuse and need some support in getting out, please reach out to us for help.
Is It Possible To Fix An Abusive Relationship?
Unfortunately, it is very challenging to "fix" an abusive relationship. It is extremely difficult (if not impossible) for the victim to heal while still with the person who has caused the damage, pain, and hurt.
The root cause of the abuse often stems from deep-seated issues within the abuser's psyche that require significant professional intervention and therapy to address. In our opinion, this is not work that is best done while the person is still with the victim.
As discussed above, the power dynamics and historical patterns of behaviour that exist within an abusive relationship make it extremely difficult for a healthy and equitable relationship to ever develop between the partners.
Therefore, we believe that it is necessary to leave an abusive relationship in order to ensure the safety of the victim, and for the abuser to address the issues that lead to the abuse.
The root cause of the abuse often stems from deep-seated issues within the abuser's psyche that require significant professional intervention and therapy to address. In our opinion, this is not work that is best done while the person is still with the victim.
As discussed above, the power dynamics and historical patterns of behaviour that exist within an abusive relationship make it extremely difficult for a healthy and equitable relationship to ever develop between the partners.
Therefore, we believe that it is necessary to leave an abusive relationship in order to ensure the safety of the victim, and for the abuser to address the issues that lead to the abuse.
Is It Possible To Fix An Unhealthy Relationship?
Yes, of course!
In many cases it is possible to work on, fix, and improve an unhealthy relationship. Unhealthy relationships often involve different communication styles, behavioural patterns, and ways of having needs met, rather than power dynamics or abuse.
This can involve improving communication skills, learning new conflict resolution strategies, or seeking professional help in individual therapy or couples therapy.
In many cases it is possible to work on, fix, and improve an unhealthy relationship. Unhealthy relationships often involve different communication styles, behavioural patterns, and ways of having needs met, rather than power dynamics or abuse.
This can involve improving communication skills, learning new conflict resolution strategies, or seeking professional help in individual therapy or couples therapy.
How Can Green Leaf Help With Relationships Problems?
Counselling is a valuable resource in helping address issues within abusive or unhealthy relationships.
It will provide a safe and neutral space for you to explore the dynamics of your relationship, identify patterns of behaviour and communication that may be contributing to the issues, and learn coping skills to manage difficult emotions.
Your therapist can help you process your experiences, gain insight into the reasons behind behaviours and feelings, and develop strategies to improve communication and build more effective problem-solving skills.
In some cases, your psychologist can also provide you with the tools to break free from unhealthy or abusive relationships if desired.
With the guidance of your therapist, you can develop strategies and set concrete goals for leaving the relationship safely and successfully, including creating a support network, and accessing resources such as legal aid or domestic violence organizations as necessary.
It will provide a safe and neutral space for you to explore the dynamics of your relationship, identify patterns of behaviour and communication that may be contributing to the issues, and learn coping skills to manage difficult emotions.
Your therapist can help you process your experiences, gain insight into the reasons behind behaviours and feelings, and develop strategies to improve communication and build more effective problem-solving skills.
In some cases, your psychologist can also provide you with the tools to break free from unhealthy or abusive relationships if desired.
With the guidance of your therapist, you can develop strategies and set concrete goals for leaving the relationship safely and successfully, including creating a support network, and accessing resources such as legal aid or domestic violence organizations as necessary.
Let's Get Started.
We are conveniently located in Halifax, Nova Scotia and have many clients from the areas of Bedford, Sackville, Clayton Park, and Dartmouth.
We provide in-person and online therapy to all of Nova Scotia and also offer virtual services to clients in New Brunswick.
Please complete our short request form below and we will be in touch asap with appointment options.
Confidential Contact - Counselling / Therapy
Green Leaf Psychological - Halifax, Nova Scotia
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After you submit the form, we will definitely get back to you. However, email is often filtered into junk mail folders by mistake.
To prevent this from happening, please add [email protected] to your list of safe contacts...or make sure to check your spam folder if you don't see a reply in your inbox within 24 hours.
Thanks!
Green Leaf Psychological Services, Inc.